We lost a relative this summer, and now one of her children is the trustee of her estate, so I’ve got estates on my mind more than usual. It’s a hard job on many fronts.

The problems

• Unless a professional trustee was hired, this person has a large emotional tie to the person who died, and they’re still processing that death.
• It’s a job no friend or family member has much experience with, they only process one or two in a lifetime and it’s different every time.
• There’s lots of difficult obstacles, from unhelpful customer service staff to loads of paperwork. The right path is never obvious.
• It’s time consuming. It will take hours out of your days, for months. And it may not be able to be on your schedule.
• You may be living across the state or across the country from where your loved one lives, meaning you can’t just stop by the offices of the professionals you need to interact with.

Giving support

Knowing this, last night I sent the trustee an email to cheer them on, here is an excerpt of what I heard back today:

I am on the move forward today. It is working.
Thanks for the push.
When I read this last night I was “growly”. Today my I delayed ____. I have already hit two hard subjects and have two to go for this afternoon. You are correct nothing will get this done except getting it done.

___

Thanks

My relative, a trustee executing their mom’s estate

“nothing will get this done except getting it done” – it stinks, doesn’t it. But it’s true. It’s one you can’t go over, you can’t go under, you can’t go around. The only way to get it done is to go through it.

Strategies

There are ways to support yourself to get stuff done. Use one, use them all, whatever it takes to get the job done.

• Enlist help. One of my mentors says that she wants to work with people who her mountains are their molehills. Do you have a friend, family member, or financial planner who has done this before, and can give you some been there, done that tips? Maybe they’ve got a phone number you need, or the name of the form you’re supposed to miraculously know to request, maybe this kind of work just happens to be right up their alley and there’s no emotional hurdle for them.
• Enlist support.
  • This could be something called co-working, where you are together with someone else, each working on tasks that challenge you. Just knowing someone else is going through something painful at the same time you are, can give you the stamina to keep on keeping on, instead of getting overwhelmed and giving up.
  • Or it could be something called body-doubling. Get someone who loves you to sit with you while you do the hard things. They may not know anything about the job you are doing, and they won’t do it for you, but they’re there for you, keeping you company while you do the hard things, and they can act as a second brain and second set of eyes as you go through the process.
• Give yourself grace. It’s hard. If it wasn’t, you’d be done already.
• Plan a reward.
• Set a deadline.
• Attack! Or as another one of my mentors describes it, Just. Take. Action. It’s gonna be hard no matter what, and it’ll probably be less hard sooner.

Conclusion

Whether you are setting up your own estate plan, or executing someone else’s, it’s going to be hard, it’s going to take longer than you want. That’s not a reflection on your skills, not a reflection on you as a person, it just is. Do what needs to be done. Attack!