I know a lot of amazing women. Women who are professionals, daughters, moms, and occasionally self-care takers. In the right environment, we feel comfortable asking questions to learn more, and getting advice from those who have already walked in their footsteps. But in the wrong environment, we put up our shields, and just try to get through.

Too many of those draining days means we don’t get to recharge. But it also means we aren’t getting to learn and do new things. Self-care this month for me included reading “The Brave Art of Motherhood”, by Rachel Marie Martin, available through the Rochester Public Library.

This book did a good job of reminding me that often women are too hard on themselves. Nobody expects you to know everything, to be able to accomplish everything. Let me re-phrase that – nobody except your children (in the most positive way possible), a bad work environment that will punish you for not being beyond perfect, and yourself because we expect ourselves to fit that superwoman image even though that’s not realistic for anyone.

I picked out a few key points from this book to help you re-focus on what is important, and what we should let go.

Mom Flaw #1 – Comparing

Rachel reminds the reader to stop comparing your normal, your dreams, your journey, to those of the people around you. Your life and experiences will be different. As a mom, that may mean your child is neurodivergent, or you choose to be a stay at home parent. As a person dealing with money, that may mean you don’t go on the same expensive vacation, you choose to pay for private school, or you can’t help your high school senior pay for college, when those things aren’t what your friends and family are doing.

Mom Flaw #2 – Using only Survival Strength

Many of us live a life that is maxed out, trying to juggle it all – a full+ time job, children, husband, home, yard, and self-care (who am I kidding, self-care is often the first thing to go out the window). Survival strength is when you are just doing what you can make it through today, but there is no better realistically expected tomorrow. Instead, we need to use the strength of change, of persistence, of goal setting, of forward progress towards our goals. As a mom that may be helping scaffold study skills instead of staying up for an all-nighter, or having a plan to raise your baby beyond just getting through labor&delivery. In your finances, that means not just running from paycheck to paycheck (and having more month than money), but having a plan for your money that includes saving for that fun thing you want to do with your kids.

Mom Flaw #3 – Accepting broken as normal

This is very related to Mom Flaw #2. We can’t make goals and achieve them if we are accepting a life we know is broken is the way things have to be. Rachel shared in her book about how it was only after she’d unnecessarily lived with the pain of trying to live her normal (overwhelming) life on a fractured ankle for months, that a doctor visit and an MRI showed her how much damage was underneath the surface. We need enough outside perspective to help us know when there’s damage or a lack of health that needs repair. In your finances, this means working to lift your finances where you are not part of the 57% of Americans who are uncomfortable with the size of their emergency funds.

Mom Flaw #4 – Believing repair will be instant

“Book time” of 13 years that passed in a few sentences was the example Rachel included in her book, from the story of Joseph in the Bible. But real life doesn’t happen in “book time” (a few sentences). No big change can be made in an instant. Just like building the career of the leader in their field took decades and effort of more than 40 hours a week, while I can sum that up in a 15 second elevator pitch, it doesn’t change that actually reaching those exalted heights took ongoing time and effort that nobody else will fully see. In your finances, this means not giving up when it takes time to build your retirement savings, or a failed air conditioner takes a chunk out of your emergency fund.

Mom Flaw #5 – Wanting to, but your mind keeps stopping you

Shame, fear, or any other expression of anxiety can keep you from moving forward, even when you know you want to. Whether you are Rachel’s child, wanting to jump into the swimming pool but unable to make their legs move, or an adult with feelings of shame around money keeping them from reaching out to a financial planner, our emotional state can keep us from doing what our lives would be better if we did do.

Why?

Why am I talking about moms and mom flaws on a personal finance page? Because you deserve to feel confident with not only your life in general, but specifically with your finances, and to get the help you need in a caring, teaching-focused way. You can do this.