I had someone ask for resources on this topic this week. People don’t want to give up their keys.  You knowing what danger signs to look out for, having them agree in writing before it becomes an issue, and providing/connecting them with alternatives that allow them to maintain independence, all go a long way to making this transition less painful for you and them both.

What to look for

When you’re a caregiving adult, all of the little things may raise red flags for you, but they may be completely missed by the aging driver. Here is a good article on assessing those danger signs. Study the article in advance of a quiet observation outing, rather than making a big emotional deal out of it – nobody drives well when feeling under the microscope (how many extra mistakes did you make in your teenage driving test just because you were being tested?). And if you can document your observations, especially showing a decline over time, that’s written evidence you can bring to give weight to your discussions when the time comes.

Getting their buy-in

Before problems start, start a conversation around what signs they might have of when they are no longer safe drivers. If you can get them to write out the answers to these questions in their own handwriting, and dating/signing it, results in more commitment by them to follow through when the time comes.

• I agree that if one or more family member is concerned about my driving, I will (provide a list of options)
• I agree that if I get in ___ or more accidents within ___ months/years, I will (provide the same/a similar list of options)
• Think about your older friends and relatives, and behaviors you see of other drivers on the road.  What are some signs that you’ve seen that might indicate it’s time for someone to stop driving? 

Transportation independence alternatives

In order from most independent to most supportive, here are some transportation alternatives:

• Uber/Lyft or taxis.  In some geographic areas, you might not want to trust your more vulnerable adults to shared driving services, in which case stick to taxis.
• Senior bus and shuttle services
• Hired errand helpers – they both drive and help with the errands
• Caregivers

Find the phone numbers/apps for your local services, and be prepared to help those aging adults you love to get the resources on their phones. The goal is to make this easy, not hard.

Other resources

Need to discuss some other tough topics with advanced aging issues? Try some of these free guides by theconversationproject.org to get you started.